there is a light that never goes out

i'm ironically confused and bothered at the same time,but i am somehow happy too.

have you ever felt like this? you terribly missed a person for months but when you're finally with that person you figure out every way to get the fuck out of the same place that you're both in?

too honest

to tell you the truth i'm not really the best person when it comes to making friends. i don't know. maybe there's a rational explanation behind that. it had always been like that. people made me believe there is actually a reason why i act in a certain way. like some random childhood memory. i didn't have the best childhood memory. my father didn''t like me playing with other kids,i was bullied at school since as long as i can remeber. not in college though cause people we're nicer. me father's always drunk, but i was too young to tell he was drunk. whatever. i don't know why i felt like writing about this. i don't know, but people pretty much tell me i've grown up to be kind of a friendly anti social. it's ironic. go figure. maybe i'm trying to make friends,at the same time my father's angry voice and face still haunts me that's why it made me a paranoid person. maybe my screw is just loose. maybe i'm just a normal person,just too honest.

it's tiring you know,always finding a reason why i act this way. i don't really have to but i constantly find some shitty reason. i don't know. maybe it's the same with other people,i try to explain why they're so weird and clingy and act like fucking arse sometimes. maybe ive tried to analyze you sometimes. it's not imporatant. maybe you've tried to figure me out as well. i'm pretty useless. but i could make myself useful if i want to. maybe i think i'm special. but i know i'm not. maybe i could be. maybe i already am special in a lot of negative ways. i don't know.

beneath all this shit i'm saying you know i'm a self absorbed person. i don;t want to be like this. i'm normal,i could go there. i just want to stop all this crazy psychoanalyzing thing. it's tiring. i just want to be normal. like you. like the kids hanging out in the pav having a good laugh. like the young people my own age in love today with another person and not thinking about what may happen and woryy about the pain tomorrow.

after i wrote all of this i know i'm still bad, hehehe. whatever. don't care anymore lots of things to do p.a

happy birthday my dear friend!!

i love you!! :-)